Kissing

My travel book says "Upon greeting and leaving, cheek kisses are exchanged between men and women and between women.  Both parties gently touch cheek to cheek and send the kiss to the air.  Between men, the kissing is replaced with a hearty handshake."  I want to take some time in this post to outline the experience Nicole and I have had with this Chilean norm.  It is the true story of managing a different culture.

The first experience we had with kissing in Chile was on the first day in the lab.  A female student was introduced to us with the purpose of showing us where the bathroom for our use was located.  As we were introduced the female leaned in and kissed to the sides of our cheek.  Nicole and I both took it in stride and played along in order to fit in.  However, I am sure we both had a bit of the "deer in the headlights" look about us.  We commented to each other later about this greeting was different to us than our regular experience.

As we continued to meet new people at the university Nicole and I both felt almost awkward not kissing as a greeting because we saw Chileans doing it with each other.  However, we were also not comfortable enough with the practice to initiate.

While working in the lab a conversation was brought up with us about greeting in the US.  We replied that for the most part people in the US greet by shaking hands.  We were asked how we greet our friends and we said we waved or just said hello.  We were asked if we kiss our friends and we said for the most part no.  We understood from this conversation that a navigation between the two different cultural norms was under way.

Although we had this conversation Nicole and I continued to be unsure about this greeting practice of kissing.  

We were then introduced to another male professor and during this introduction he initiated the kissing ritual.  We felt as though we were successful in making this greeting go smoothly.

Later in that lab another conversation was started again about greeting and the differences in Chile and the US.  Nicole and I were again asked how we greet our family and friends.  We were asked if we kiss or hug, etc.  Nicole and I both gave our best answer about our own experiences and norms with family and friends generally saying that kissing was reserved for special situations.

So, Nicole and I had reached a bit of a difficult point in this journey.  We felt that we were being a bit standoffish by not kissing when greeting our new Chilean friends but we had already started this awkward norm of not doing so.  How could we change without being obvious?

Along comes a social function with our new Chilean friends from the lab.  At the end of the event we were all saying good bye to each other.  The women kissed with Nicole and I and we successfully partook in the exchange.  Then the question was brought up by one of our new male friends who had engaged us in conversation about this topic, "but you said you don't kiss as a greeting or parting?"  We kissed on the cheek to say good bye.

So, the next day in the lab, have we mastered this new cultural norm or not?  We met with one of the females and kissed appropriately.  But how about with the males?  Although we have moved forward we are still working on it a bit.

Just a funny look at two Americans trying to negotiate the social norms of a different culture.  Friends, family, and colleagues don't be surprised if we kiss you in greeting the next time we see you.